Foster Parents | Child Custody Help 2u

Child Custody and when Good Intentions May Not Be Enough

February 13, 2010 ChildCustodyHelp No comments

Are you ready to give kids a home? This is the question we asked when our nephew of two children, ages, 8 and 9, as may be necessary for a Parliament.

Our decision was Yes, we provide a home and opportunities that the deceased parent wished for them. Even if they had a loving father, life was not always been easy. His father had beaten financially and sometimes there is not much stability at home. The mother had abandoned the family when they were 6-7 years. We realized that there was a little history of abuse of her mother, even if our granddaughter was with characteristics. We knew also that the youngest son had learning disabilities. At the beginning of the process of custody, however, we have learned that with special educational needs, has problems also behaviors. But, unfortunately, we didn’t know the seriousness of these behavioural problems much later.

The boys were put into emergency foster care immediately after the death of their father. Fortunately, the foster parents were wonderful and have provided a stable for them, in life some aspects more lived with their father. But we were convinced that they must be with the family. We felt that the only way that would be really happy would if they were living with relatives and their connection with their father.

Even though we live 500 miles farther boys, we visited several times while in foster care. Each of these visits on average 3 days in duration. We also kept in touch by phone twice a week. Always were enthusiastic about our visits, which included swimming, bicycling, and video games. After each visit we became more attached to children and were becoming very excited about making it a part of our family. We thought that their feelings for us were as strong as our became for them. Although the our calls to them were less received with enthusiasm – it seemed they could care less if they spoke to us, we knew that the boys were not particularly good conversationalists on your mobile phone and we knew that it was difficult to maintain relations remotely. We have continued to full steam ahead to win custody. We thought that with great love, stability, and patience, they would be happy with us and that we could help adults in adult leaders.

But almost immediately when obtaining custody, we began to see a change in both their behaviors. They had considerable fluctuations of mood, a minute happy and loving, near stowage minute angry, verbally and physically. In addition, the oldest boy was physically abusive to his younger brother. As each day passed, have become more tense and became clear that they wanted to be in control of every situation. It was also very convenient that became in Parliament and ensure that more had we love, most comfortable were with if themselves, which shows us his true personality.

Loro violent behaviour, as well as their contempt is still made it impossible to integrate them into our family. As hard as he accept became clear that have not any real affection or respect for us. Finally, we had to take a very difficult decision – we could not provide a home for them. They didn ‘ t as the type of family life that we wanted. We wanted to provide opportunities and with love and stability. Wanted love, but only on their terms. They worked on the conflict. We wanted a secure and reliable environment. They were comfortable with anger and violence. Not the will. We had no doubt that if they remained in the House, would destroy our family and has a price that we were not prepared to pay.

Because of experience with child care, we have been asked our advice or less if we recommend research or take care of the child. It is, of course, a personal decision made after careful consideration, but we believe that there are two fundamental questions, all should ask.

(1) The user and the child have an actual link?

Make the mistake of assuming that because children are close blood that will automatically be a link between you. Most people assume (or at least convince you) is the case, especially if you had a relationship with his father child very close. Remember, however, true love or love is not transferable.

(2) The user and his son have similar values?

If the values are very different from those of the child, the conflict is inevitable. How many conflicts is willing to accept in your life? You can accept a child which behaviors do not reflect the values that you live?

It is important to remember that it is important to do what is good for all concerned.

It is important to be prepared to open the hearts of children who are in need of a home. Only don ‘ t be blinded by the right thing need “do. sometimes good intentions are simply not enough – good pace for you, your family, and perhaps even for the children you are trying to help.

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